It is Father’s Day, and though I usually prefer to preach from the Lectionary of the Christian Year, a three year menu of Scripture readings that take us through the length and breadth of Scripture and not by the year according to Hallmark, I am going to speak of fatherhood and faith today.  All of us have an interest in nurturing the faith of fathers because if fathers do a good job everyone benefits, and if they don’t, we all suffer to one degree or another.  I’m going to write an open letter to fathers and invite us all to listen in.  So here we go.

Dear Fathers,

            Happy Father’s Day!  Did you know that this day was an idea that came to  Amanda Smart, daughter of William Smart,  as she was listening to a Mother’s Day sermon in 1909 in Washington State?  Her father raised her and her five siblings on his own after his wife died in giving birth to her sixth child.  Amanda Smart realized how courageous and selfless her father had been in raising her and her brothers and sisters and she decided that since her father was born in June that on June 19, 1910 she would celebrate Father’s Day.  President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea in 1924, making this one of the few things we remember about his presidency.  A joint resolution of Congress in 1956 during President Eisenhower’s term recognized Father’s Day and in 1966 President Johnson signed a presidential proclamation making the third Sunday in June Father’s day, and   President Nixon signed the law which finally made it permanent.  So this day has bipartisan history and support and ranks right up there with motherhood and apple pie.

            I wish I could say that our culture is as supportive of fathering as those resolutions seem to suggest.  But I would characterize our current culture as unsupportive of good fathering in many ways.  The work week hour for American fathers and mothers continues to lengthen.  The emphasis seems to fall on competing in the global market place, increasing productivity, and sparing no effort to keep ahead of those hard charging economies of China, India, Japan and Korea.  I have yet to hear a father at the close of his life lament that he didn’t spend enough time at work, but I have heard more than a few wish they had spent more time with their children and family members.  You’re familiar with that biting song by Harry Chapin, The Cat’s in the Cradle, in which a father turns a deaf ear to his young son who wants to play with him saying, not now, but that he and his son will have a good time together some time in the future.  And then when the father grows old and longs for more time with his grown son he hears the same excuse and empty promise, only coming now from his son: we’ll have a good time then.  But then never comes. 

            The most valuable gift you have to offer your children is your time.  Money and things are no substitute for you.  You are of far more value to your children than any thing you can give them.  When you hear talk of being a good provider for your family, remember that you must provide them with more than things for them to flourish.  The currency they understand is the time you take to work and walk, play and pray together with them.  I played catch with my Dad almost every day when he came home from work from age five to ten and that spoke volumes to me of my father’s love.  We didn’t move into a bigger house in a fancier neighborhood, like some of our friends did, but those games of catch were far better for me, I am sure.

            So our current culture tends not to support the notion that father’s should spend more time with their families and less time on the job.  I’m sad to say that the Bible provides very few examples of good fathering.  Adam did not pick up on the deadly sibling rivalry between Cain and Abel.  Abraham had two sons by two different wives: Ishmael by Sarah’s maid, Hagar, and Isaac by his wife, Sarah, and the resulting friction led to an ultimatum by Sarah that prompted Abraham to send Hagar and Ishmael off into the wilderness where they almost perished.  God provided for them and Ishmael became father to people who became enemies to Isaac’s offspring and remain so to this day. Isaac had twins, Jacob and Esau, and their rivalry led to deception and a parting of the ways.

David had a son, Absalom, whom he indulged and loved who turned on him and chased him from the throne and ended up being killed on a field of battle by David’s general, Joab.  King Solomon had two sons who fought over the right of succession to the throne leading to a civil war that split Israel in two.  Eli, the prophet, had sons who were scoundrels and had to look to young Samuel to take up the prophetic call.  I can’t think of a positive example of fathering in the Biible.

It is disconcerting to think how some very godly men with great leadership skills failed as fathers.  But we know that many people within Judaism passed on their faith to their children.  That passage from Deuteronomy instructs parents to keep God’s word in their hearts and recite them to their children and talk about them at home and away from home, at bedtime and when morning breaks and the day begins.  Parents are the chief religious educators of their children.  Faith is more caught than taught, and parents have many opportunities every day to show their faith through what they say and do in the everyday activities of life.  A study a few years back in our Presbyterian church sought to look at the qualities of families whose children remained active in church through adolescence and beyond.  What the study showed was that families that integrate prayer and service to others and reading and responding to Scripture were more likely to produce mature Christians.  The chief reason the Presbyterian Church USA has shrunk numerically since the mid sixties is that only half of our children followed us into membership in the church as adults.  Somehow we have failed to live up to the design set forth in our Deuteronomy reading in which faith is integrated into daily living in a way that is instructive and engaging for our children as they grow into young adults. 

            One of my favorite things to do is to say prayers with my grandsons as they go to sleep.  We thank God for the good things we have experienced that day and pray for persons or concerns on our minds.  Our youngest grandson when he was about three and a half asked his mother if he could pray to God any time and place and when she assured him he could he immediately said: “Hi God.  It’s Scott.  Please take care of Uncle Jim.  Thanks.”  He had heard his parents praying for Jim and he wanted to do the same.

            A fascinating book titled: The Moses of Rovno, is about a man named Fritz Graebe, who is a distant relative of Gerry Graebe of our church.  Like Schindler of the book and movie Schindler’s List, Fritz Graebe saved the lives of hundreds of Jews by keeping them on work crews for which he was responsible and demanding more of them. Be brought them out of the camps and kept them alive and in some cases enabled them to escape.  As he was growing up his mother would frequently ask him when a confusing moral dilemma presented itself: “What would you do, Fritz?”  She got him to think, to put himself in the shoes of others, and when the crisis came he was ready to risk life and limb to preserve innocent life.  Mothers and fathers can nurture the faith of their children if they set an example and take time during the everyday activities of living to pray, to pose the hard questions, to give of their substance and selves to others.  

We have a wonderful Sunday School program here at church, but it gives us just one hour a week with your children; you have far more time with them and far more potential for doing good if you will take it.  Being active in church yourself sets a good example and joining with other adults in the nurture of our children in the faith is a great thing to do.  I am profoundly grateful for the positive influence of persons from our church who have taken a keen interest in the faith development of our children and prayed for them over the decades.  There were times when I was so mad or depressed that I couldn’t pray, but they did, and sometimes I have prayed for their children at similar times. Through the sacrament of baptism we commit to supporting the children of our church along with their parents, and some of those supporting us in this vital task are not parents themselves, but offer parental guidance and encouragement.

Speaking of encouragement, did you notice that passage from Ephesians urges fathers not to provoke their children to anger?  Paul says almost the identical thing in his letter to the Colossians, except that there he says not to provoke your children, or they may lose heart.  This is very unusual counsel for the time in which it was given.  Children had no rights and the power of fathers was unquestioned and unrestrained.  Fathers had power of life and death over their children under Roman law, and that power was often employed. In contrast, the Christian faith calls fathers to care for and encourage their children and their wives, to love them as Christ loves the church.  What a dramatically different way of coming at leadership that is.  Paul’s word to all family members earlier in Ephesians is: “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Eph. 5:21) When a child is ill and needs us, we set aside other things and do our best to comfort and encourage that child.  We may well find ourselves benefiting from a like concern when we are in need as we grow older or face hardship.   If you have seen or experienced this kind of love you know how powerful and comforting it is.  

Linked to encouragement is the call to raise children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.  Discipline is not antithetical to love.  The best coaches model, teach and demand discipline in their teams.  I saw John Wooden discipline All American players on his team if they acted in ways that did not respect every member of the team, including the manager.  Bill Walton was one such player, and he brings his children to see John Wooden as often as possible because he knows what a positive influence he had in his own life.  The challenge with discipline is that it requires consistency and the strength to resist your children’s unceasing efforts to get you to bend on the rules.  We aren’t called to win a popularity contest with our children but to encourage and lead them on a good path in life.  Firmness and consistency in discipline create a sense of order and protection for our children whose moods often swing dramatically.  They may not say it, but they benefit from knowing they are not in control of the house and that we will protect them from their wild impulses. You may not hear that until years later, but when you do you will know the effort was worthwhile.

I close by saying that I am very encouraged by the quality of fathering and grandfathering that I see in many of the families I am privileged to know in our church.  The time, encouragement, love and discipline given in nurturing the growth and faith of those children and grandchildren are beautiful to see.  One day many of those children will become parents, and they will know from their own rearing how to raise their children.  When you see those lessons passed on you will have a feel that if you have done nothing else in your life, you have lived well and made a great contribution to the purposes of God for the human family.  Carry on and God bless you!